BADD 2015: A Game of Spoons

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It’s that time of year again, it’s Blogging Against Disablism Day 2015, a time to raise awareness of the issues people with various disabilities face. You’ll be able to see other blogs on the same subject by following @BADDtweets or #badd2015, there is also a facebook page.

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#EDAW2015, #effyourbeautystandards, #spoonieproblems and self hate (TW)

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I don’t get on with my body very much. In fact that’s quite an understatement. And today that self loathing hit me like a sledgehammer. I’ve got a romantic day out with my husband planned, at a spa, we’ll be getting massages and spend time in steam rooms and jacuzzis. It all sounds heavenly. The problem is that I need swimwear now, so I thought I’d pop in to town and pick up a swimsuit. In my excitement about the spa day I forgot just how bad it could be. As I stood in the changing room, listening to the size 8 teen in the next cubicle complain she was too fat and needed to be at least a size 6, and staring at myself in the full length mirror I felt utterly broken.

There I stood, size 20, an overhanging belly, fat dimpled thighs and upper legs, sagging boobs, and massive silver stretchmarks cobwebbing their way across large swathes of my flesh.. I felt disgusting. I wanted to be sick, I wanted to starve, I wanted to binge, I wanted to cut and carve and tear away chunks of flesh. I wanted to physically hurt.

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#PerformingDisability and feeling a fraud

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I just saw this excellent post by @LUBOttom on performing disability when you have an invisible illness and it made me think of a blog post I’ve had in Draft form on the blog for almost a year now, one that I keep putting off actually finishing and posting. The reason I put it off is because I hate that I felt the need to write it.

That day I’d been for a day out, it had been a wonderful day, surrounded by friends and family. It was my 30th birthday and I’d been dreading it, I don’t have much luck with birthdays so was expecting a disaster! But it was a lovely day, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. So at 10pm I sat down to write a blog post about it, was it a post about how happy I was and how much fun I’d had? Was it going to be full of joy and laughter? Not even slightly.

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Disability and female weakness

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Quick recap for anyone who hasn’t read my blog previously, I suffer from a chronic pain problem which has left me severely limited.

Before the pain started this was me.. I was fairly slim, very girlie looking, and a very petite 4’10”. I was very often treated as a dainty little doll-like thing who needed protection and big strong men to help me. I hated the patronising comments, the assumption that I was too weak and delicate to do hard physical work. Especially as a lot of the time I could lift more and do more than some of the supposed “big strong men”.

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Let’s play “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

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I have an invisible disability, an undiagnosed one at that. Which makes things difficult because people tend not to believe you if that’s the case. I’ve had a few tests done over the years, but no conclusion beyond my spine “shows signs of early wear and tear”. Everything else has come back clear.

So let’s play a game of “what the fuck is this?”

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Employ me? Work and disability hurdles

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This blog is in aid of Blogging Against Disablism Day. You can find some really fantastic blogs covering all sorts of issues related to disability here, and it’s also worth following both @BADDtweets and #badd2014.

According to our loving government all their cuts are being put in place to help us all in to work. Don’t you know that as people with Disability A can work, then people with Disability B must also be able to? And if someone with a mild version of Disability C can work, then of course someone with a more severe version can too! Why on earth would you want to treat disabled people on a person by person basis when you can treat them as one amorphous mass, those lazy scroungers, they don’t deserve more than that now do they?

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It’s worth the fight

You may have read my previous post on disability and my dealings with the local council, in which they refused to accept that my disability was what I said it was, or that I could know for myself  which properties I could actually cope with. Well we got some good news yesterday, after we sent them a letter explaining all the reasons that their policy was flawed they have written back to say that we are right and that they will no longer go against our bids. But even better than that, they are changing this across the board. Not only are things better for us now, but they are better for other families in similar circumstances.

Being disabled feels like a constant fight, but some fights are worth doing. So thank you to everyone who advised us and supported us, with special thanks to Shelter.

I apologise for my disability

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I am writing this to apologise, to apologise sincerely, for all inconvenience/confusion caused by my disability. It is obviously very selfish of me to have not taken other people’s feelings into consideration when deciding to become disabled. I should have chosen a different disability – something more straightforward, something more convenient. I apologise wholeheartedly.

This sounds ludicrous right? Who on earth would think of disability in these terms? You’d be surprised.

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