Not only #WeAreTheThey, we are also people not animals

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Since Plus Size Wars has been on I’ve seen a few idiots people comparing plus size girls and women to pets. The two instances that come immediately to mind are, “our pets would be taken off us if we let them get that fat”, and “it’s like with pets, we’ve forgotten what normal looks like”.

What the hell is with those comparisons?

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My gentle boy and my strong girl

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You are both so little still, both still under 3, and already I can see that society is valuing some of your traits over others.

This breaks my heart, because you are both so much more than stereotypes, you are incredible and complex and will only get more so as you get older. I hope that I can bring you up to not be ashamed of parts of you just because they don’t conform to gendered expectations. Nothing about you is wrong, society and it’s small boxes are wrong.

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Being an angry woman – and why it scares me

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Thanks to my gender I’ve known from a very young age that the expectations for me were radically different than the expectations for a child born to the opposite gender.

Thanks to my gender I was taught that it was preferable to be;

– caring (even towards those who would hurt us – sometimes especially towards them)

– gentle (no raised voices, no swearing, no anger)

– accommodating (we learn to compromise, to put other people’s needs ahead of our own)

– carers (the eternal mothers, even before puberty)

– pacifists (we are mediators, the calming ones)

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Gender critical in a binary world

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I’m well aware that identifying as a gender critical feminist is going to have put some people off me already. Possibly some will have decided I’m transphobic and written off everything I have to say already. If you think that gender critical feminism and transphobia go hand in hand but have read this far, bear with me, I want to point a few things out about myself.

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Finding a place and sense of worth in feminism

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When I was younger I was a bit of an awkward girl, I was never into the girlie girlie stuff, but at the same time I was no tomboy. I was painfully shy, and that was made worse by not feeling like I had enough in common with people, so I found it hard to relate and join in.

I know many people tried to fit me into the tomboy box, I hated the colour pink and would refuse dresses and skirts.

 

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Binary is for computers: The rewrite

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I wrote a blog post the other day on gender identity and it’s been bugging me ever since as I didn’t feel it was very well written. That’s the problem with writing blog posts at gone midnight after a day of screaming children. So as my husband has taken the kids to his mum’s today I thought I attempt a rewrite that makes a little more sense.

If I fail to make any more sense here though, please read this post and realise that I agree with every word of it.

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Binary is for computers

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If you know me in real life, you’ll know that my style icons are people like Dita Von Teese, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, et al. I love my red lipstick and my 50’s dresses. All my favourite clothes just scream “womanly”. It is a look I get a lot of enjoyment from, but it is also a complicated ideal for me.

I used to enjoy a much more androgynous look. My inspiration back then was a long list of men in makeup. Richey James, Nicky Wire, Johnny Slut, Brian Slade.. I may have fancied some of them, but mostly I wanted to be them.

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Women only spaces – Give and take

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I’ve been a little reluctant to post this as it’s an argument I can actually see both sides of, and both sides seem quite vehemently opposed.

On the one side you have the trans activists who, quite rightly and deservedly, are fighting for equality in a world that still treats them like something out of a circus freakshow. I can’t even begin to imagine what life must be like for them, and wouldn’t even begin to try, that would be patronising and unnecessary.

On the other you have the feminists who, quite rightly and deservedly, are fighting for equality in a world where women are still disproportionately at risk of violence. Here I can imagine, because I’ve lived that life for my whole life. Like every woman I know that I have to take all kinds of precautions that men will never have to take in order to try and protect myself, and I also know that those precautions will never remove risk entirely.

I hope I don’t need to say this, but anyway, in the blog post that follows please be aware that when I say “feminists” or “trans activists” I am not referring to absolutely all people within these categories, I am speaking about some of them.

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Disability and female weakness

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Quick recap for anyone who hasn’t read my blog previously, I suffer from a chronic pain problem which has left me severely limited.

Before the pain started this was me.. I was fairly slim, very girlie looking, and a very petite 4’10”. I was very often treated as a dainty little doll-like thing who needed protection and big strong men to help me. I hated the patronising comments, the assumption that I was too weak and delicate to do hard physical work. Especially as a lot of the time I could lift more and do more than some of the supposed “big strong men”.

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