#PerformingDisability and feeling a fraud

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I just saw this excellent post by @LUBOttom on performing disability when you have an invisible illness and it made me think of a blog post I’ve had in Draft form on the blog for almost a year now, one that I keep putting off actually finishing and posting. The reason I put it off is because I hate that I felt the need to write it.

That day I’d been for a day out, it had been a wonderful day, surrounded by friends and family. It was my 30th birthday and I’d been dreading it, I don’t have much luck with birthdays so was expecting a disaster! But it was a lovely day, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. So at 10pm I sat down to write a blog post about it, was it a post about how happy I was and how much fun I’d had? Was it going to be full of joy and laughter? Not even slightly.

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Disability and female weakness

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Quick recap for anyone who hasn’t read my blog previously, I suffer from a chronic pain problem which has left me severely limited.

Before the pain started this was me.. I was fairly slim, very girlie looking, and a very petite 4’10”. I was very often treated as a dainty little doll-like thing who needed protection and big strong men to help me. I hated the patronising comments, the assumption that I was too weak and delicate to do hard physical work. Especially as a lot of the time I could lift more and do more than some of the supposed “big strong men”.

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Let’s play “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

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I have an invisible disability, an undiagnosed one at that. Which makes things difficult because people tend not to believe you if that’s the case. I’ve had a few tests done over the years, but no conclusion beyond my spine “shows signs of early wear and tear”. Everything else has come back clear.

So let’s play a game of “what the fuck is this?”

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Employ me? Work and disability hurdles

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This blog is in aid of Blogging Against Disablism Day. You can find some really fantastic blogs covering all sorts of issues related to disability here, and it’s also worth following both @BADDtweets and #badd2014.

According to our loving government all their cuts are being put in place to help us all in to work. Don’t you know that as people with Disability A can work, then people with Disability B must also be able to? And if someone with a mild version of Disability C can work, then of course someone with a more severe version can too! Why on earth would you want to treat disabled people on a person by person basis when you can treat them as one amorphous mass, those lazy scroungers, they don’t deserve more than that now do they?

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Worst things you can say

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About a year ago I put a post up on Mumsnet asking what the worst thing people had heard said related to illness or disability. Unfortunately the thread is no longer there, so I can’t link you to it, but it was an eye opening and fairly horrible read.

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I haven’t always been like this

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There seems to be this idea in the media – and suggested by this government – that those with disabilities have never been “hard working tax payers”, that we’ve always been disabled. I guess I get why they do this, for one it means we look like a massive drain on the system, for another it keeps people safe from the thought that they might end up like us. It could happen to anyone, at any time. You can try and insure against it, but you cannot guarantee that you will never be disabled and reliant on others.

I know, it happened to me.

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