Being stalked – a follow up

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I wrote that post about Jamie Dornan yesterday in a rage, and with little time to do so. Then as the day wore on and I thought about it in a bit more depth I realised there were a lot of issues I didn’t cover.

One of the things that made me realise there was more to cover was the comments I got after posting it – or more specifically the comments I didn’t get.

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Being stalked doesn’t feel “kind of exciting”

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I read something today which made me angry, turns out that in preparation for his role in The Fall, Jamie Dornan.. actually.. let me tell you in his own words..

I, like, followed a woman off the train one day to see what it felt like to pursue someone like that.

“I really kept my distance … she got off a few stops earlier than I was planning so I said right, I have to commit to this. I followed her around a couple of street corners and then was like: what are you doing?

“It felt kind of exciting, in a really sort of dirty way, I’m sort of not proud of myself. But I do honestly think I learned something from it, because I’ve obviously never done any of that. It was intriguing and interesting to enter that process of ‘what are you following her for?’ and ‘what are you trying to find out?’”

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My gentle boy and my strong girl

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You are both so little still, both still under 3, and already I can see that society is valuing some of your traits over others.

This breaks my heart, because you are both so much more than stereotypes, you are incredible and complex and will only get more so as you get older. I hope that I can bring you up to not be ashamed of parts of you just because they don’t conform to gendered expectations. Nothing about you is wrong, society and it’s small boxes are wrong.

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Being an angry woman – and why it scares me

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Thanks to my gender I’ve known from a very young age that the expectations for me were radically different than the expectations for a child born to the opposite gender.

Thanks to my gender I was taught that it was preferable to be;

– caring (even towards those who would hurt us – sometimes especially towards them)

– gentle (no raised voices, no swearing, no anger)

– accommodating (we learn to compromise, to put other people’s needs ahead of our own)

– carers (the eternal mothers, even before puberty)

– pacifists (we are mediators, the calming ones)

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Gender critical in a binary world

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I’m well aware that identifying as a gender critical feminist is going to have put some people off me already. Possibly some will have decided I’m transphobic and written off everything I have to say already. If you think that gender critical feminism and transphobia go hand in hand but have read this far, bear with me, I want to point a few things out about myself.

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“Look at her, how dare she let us look at her!”

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I’ve just taken a break from playing my recent Steam/GOG purchases and stopped clock watching for the new flash deals to write about sexism and gaming.

For starters it was stupid that I felt the need to add the above sentence, if I was a male gamer writing about the games industry would I feel the need to start by “proving” I was a gamer? Probably not. Nevertheless, even with the above sentence I’m sure I’ll be accused of faking it to be “cool”, or just being a casual gamer, or just lying for the hell of it, maybe I’m a feminist infiltrator? The chances of these accusations rise even further if I were to appear dressed up, especially in something revealing, because boobs obviously interfere in gaming.

For the record, I won’t be.

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Yes All Women

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I have a love/hate relationship with the #YesAllWomen hashtag. I love that it’s raising awareness, but I hate that it needs to exist at all. It makes for infuriating reading, but is also so damn familiar at the same time.

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“But I’m a nice guy”

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Very short post as I know there are others out there who can make these points much more eloquently than I can, but this has had me in a rage all day so felt I should write it out.

Obviously the big story right now is the shooting in Isla Vista, and the responses have been all too predictable.

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